Extra Credit: Enticing the Trolls

If you all don't know by now, I am very involved with websites. I m not quite deep into coding but I am ll for the ownership and general upkeep, so I decided that today I am going to post about the members I hate the most and if you have ever been on fckbook, myspace, or even youtube, you have come to know them well: Trolls.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, look below and exit stage right.

(A Troll is a person who post off topic remarks to get a rise from forum members. Facebook run an application called The Blood Games, within these are the forums. One of the biggest trolls of these forums is PumpkinEater. There are a number of trolls within this forum who have jumped onto the band wagon, thereby making the forum pointless to use. )

So, I compiled a list that I think fit pretty well.

The OS troll
You will meet this troll on any vaguely IT-related forum or site that allows comments. They come in three colours: greenish brown (open sourcies), shiny white (Mac worshippers) and a grayish blue (the occasional Microsoft fan).
Open sourcies seem the most numerous of these. You’ll recognize them cause they write Micro$oft, with the dollar sign. A sub category will post ‘Get Ubuntu’ under any and all articles involving software problems and they have a tendency to be vindictive. Mac worshippers like to pretend they’re open sourcies, but essentially, they’re cultists. Any criticism on Mac-related products will be met with scathing denial and screams about how the author of the article is paid by Micro$oft. The Microsoft fan will be recognizable by his either shy or near-suicidal character. Also, no one listens to him.

The ‘I’m first’ troll
Has no life and needs to feel they win at something by posting first in any thread or comment section. Usually spells badly.

The bot troll
Posts links to interesting sites and places where you can meet hot women or procure potency enhancing drugs. Usually spells badly.

The advertising troll
Closely related to the bot troll, but oddly, not always a bot. This troll is known to abuse the copy/past feature with any number of usually positive sentences (’You’re so right’, ‘I love this’, ‘This is great’) simply to be able to get their signature (with link to their own site) out there.

The firestarter troll
Posts in a forum for the simple pleasure of starting a fight. Usually plays devil’s advocate. If a thread debates gay marriage and most people in the thread agree that homosexuals deserve some human rights, this troll will come in with the simple message that ‘all gay fags will burn in hell’. Usually spells badly.

The immature troll
Thinks u r a fag and b00bs are omg lol wtfbbq111. Spells really badly.

The macro troll
Is in ur thread, steeling ur arguments and making fun ov u. Also maded u a cookie, but then eated it.
Oddly enough, these troll are not always immature teens and don’t see themselves as in any way related to the above troll. In fact, they feel like their macros are a sarcastic comment on said immature troll, thereby making them part of a postmodern elite (citation needed). Spells badly, but in a parodying critique kinda way.

The spelling police troll
Spells perfectly and will tell you just how bad your knowledge of language is. These trolls are known for asserting that someone’s post has a spelling mistake, and so they must automatically be wrong, regardless of the stance taken by the original poster, or the arguments used.

The nitpicking troll
A close relative of the spelling police troll, this creature will take a single sentence out of a whole article, whether it is meant to be ironic or not, and proceed to break down the author personally, based on said one sentence. Example: in an article on the sustainability of trees in arid environments, in which the author casually mentions they have a red laptop, this troll will post something along the lines of ‘OMG, only commies like red. U r such a fag!’. Spells badly, and is stupid.

The elitist troll
These trolls have some professional interest in the subject of your post or article. They either have a job that pertains to the subject (or had a job at some point in their lives), or they have studied the subject (or flunked out after one year, but it still counts!). Being professionals in the subject, these creatures will tell you that you, because you are *not* a professional, or at least not as knowledgeable as they are, are not entitled to an opinion on said subject, and must certainly not write about it.

There’s also the blind troll, sometimes referred to as the stupid troll. Though, they aren’t always seen as trolls since they only react out of blindness/stupidity.
They react too fast and this causes them to miss key elements of your arguments, or to interpret the message in completely the wrong way.
Example:You: “Bill Founded Microsoft, blablabla… (5 sentences later)… together with Paul Allen.”He: “You forgot that Paul Allen was there too!”
Mostly their random word combinations only harm themselves, but sometimes they start small off-topic/wrong-topic conversations that eventually make your post look bad too.

If I forgot any, please let me know!

Shannon